by Rasputin

Fortunately for Twin Cam owners, British ingenuity has given us a water pump which dies an unbelievably premature death at about the same time as the timing chain which is easy to replace with the front cover removed, and the wise mechanic replaces both. If some strange quirk of fate (common among Lotus owners) has resulted in your Twin Cam having a good pump and an undesirable chain, here is a relatively easy method of replacing the chain only.

The primary ingredient is a GOOD replacement chain, which is GOOD because it has a master link via which it can be connected to the old chain. So, here we go...

Remove bonnet (hood). Blow away sand and dirt from the spark plugs, remove them, and cover the holes with some old socks to prevent entry of undesirable objects. Note position of #1 plug wire on distributor, mark it, and remove cap. Remove cam cover and incidental paraphernalia. Turn the engine over a whole bunch of times and see if the existing chain has a master link. If it doesn’t, set the crank at TDC with distributor rotor at #1, at which point the timing marks on the cam sprockets should also line up... Split the chain midway between the cams, using a die grinder to remove the heads of the two rivets which hold the outer link together. Of course, a loving Lotus owner will use large quantities of rags or paper to cover all exposed engine areas and shelter them from the resulting airborne grit, and a smart one will wire the chain to both cam sprockets so that the ends cannot escape when the chain comes apart.

So...place an old T-shirt over the timing chest so that if you are clumsy and drop a piece of chain link during disassembly it will not fall into the innards. If it does, don’t worry about it, it’s too big to pass the oil pump strainer. Back the chain tensioner off all the way. Next, unbolt both cams and lift them just far enough so that all valves are closed.

Step back for a couple of minutes and meditate on the fact that when an end of the chain is not in your secure grip, it must be wired onto something. Via that wonderful master, link connect the new chain to the exhaust cam end of the old chain. Now you need a fellow Lotus victim to turn the engine over and over while you feed in the new chain and pull out the old until approximately equal lengths of new chain are in each hand, then wire them down, and re-bolt, (re-nut actually) the camshafts, with the timing marks in approximately correct position.

Although you are dumb enough to own a Lotus, you can probably figure out what to do from now on, however, several minor points must be noted.

1. When you connect the chain ends, place the old T-shirt over the timing chest opening so that, should the spring clip of the master link attempt to escape, it cannot vanish into the deep innards from whence it will have to be retrieved.
2. If the distributor is not at #1 when the chain lengths are correct at TDC, don’t fret, unbolt the distributor, lift it out and re-insert it with the rotor in the des ired position.
3. This method requires assistance from a reasonably competent individual. If, by a stroke of good fortune or brilliant intelligence, you are a loner; or if you happen to live in a place where everybody hates you because you insist that sodomy and beastiality are weird and un-clean, then you will be forced to use a modified method; The Rasputin Variation.

The Rasputin Variation
Properly utilized, this method will not only replace the chain but can yield enormous social benefits. If you have nosey neighbors who like to waste your precious time with mindless chit-chat, this will fix them real good. If you have neighbors who politely ignore you, after this they will cross the street when they see you coming.

This method requires additional hardware:

1. A large incense burner.
2. A large and ornate chalice.
3. A deity. This can be anybody you like, however, brass Budhas and plastic Barbies are the most popular.
4. Eight or ten square shop rags.
5. Roll of masking tape.

As in war and racing engines, timing is critical. The optimum would be when the subject neighbor has his/her boss’s family over for lunch. The Elan must be on level pavement because you will be turning the engine over by pushing the car to the rear while it is in reverse gear.

After removing the bonnet erect the top of you Elan and securely tape to it, the incense burner, nicely filled wand smoking profusely, the chalice half full of water, and the Deity. Prostrate yourself before the Deity, and then proceed with the previously enumerated Plebian Method. When you get to the place where the engine must be turned over, tape four or five layers of shop rags to the knees of your pants and place the gearbox in reverse. Kneel in front of your Elan and lean forward, grasping the chain ends. Now inch forward on your knees and push your Elan with your tummy. If your car has donuts, the engine might turn in a series of jerks; this is a golden opportunity to test your reflexes and improve your manual dexterity. When the pain becomes u unbearable (this method wakes up muscles you never knew you had) or every four or five seconds, raise your head and gaze at the sky, and chant as loud and plaintively as you can: "Ooohm Chaaaahp-mmaaaaahn". If you run out of pavement before the chain is all the way in, shift into neutral, push forward, prostrate before the Deity, and continue. When the job is finished prostrate three times, unfasten chalice, and sprinkle water over car and pavement, cover incense burner and ceremoniously carry the Deity back into your residence. Relax and relish the nectar of solitude.